Transitions

Life is a never ending cycle of development: always living, learning and finding new sides of us that make ourselves uniquely us. I find that as I age, my respect for myself and those close to me grows exponentially. Good friends last forever, and those people have proven themselves time and time again as loyal individuals that I can always count on. Thick and thin.

I have lived in Nashville for over three years now. I had such a drive to get here when I was in Knoxville, a town I once loved and sought to get to. I find myself noticing a cycle; a cycle that always takes me to the next step in my life. Life always seems to have some way of showing us where we are to go and when our time is to do so.

My last few months in Chattanooga, I spent most of time in Knoxville or trying to find ways to relocate there faster. I loved my two years at UTC. My frat, my first romantic interest that was male, my first time experiencing so much in life. I have so much to remember, so much to hold dear. With all of the memories and good times, I knew that it was my time to move on with my life.

When I got to Knoxville, I was overly comfortable with the idea of being gay and open with it for the first time. Comically, I found the nastiest of bars intriguing, as it was new to me to go out and mingle with other gay men. Nasty run down clubs that I completely overlooked in excitement of having a place to go. My years at UT were some of my most memorable. I made great lifelong friends, developed myself greatly, made some many collegiate memories and I fell in love for the first time. Like Chattanooga, life eventually showed me the way to the door, and I closed the chapter of my life entitled "Knoxville" and opened the next here in Music City.

Nashville brought me my career, owning my first home and the realities associated with the real world. Bills, bills, bills. I had the awesome opportunity to own a home with my two best friends. Im really glad I got to experience this with them. I have enjoyed my time here. Im grateful for my friends, and the memories that I have made here. Great friends, romantic flings gone so-so, and some very wrong. I forgive all, and ask for forgiveness in return.

I can feel the transition coming again. Im finally going to move to the city that I have been dreaming of living in for the longest time. I hope to be in New York City by Sept. 2012. The excitement is overwheling. I just pray to the lord that he continues to guide me to where I am supposed to be. It is now that I am trying to appreciate the time that I have here. This chapter of my life has a near end, and I am eager to begin the next; to continue to live, learn and love, after all, thats what living is.

Just a blink, and a year has gone by.

It seems like ages since I have updated this blog. Ages since I have sat down for enough time to reflect; to collect my thoughts and paste them together to make a coherent explanation of my current point in life. As I sit here on my bed at 12:11 am on a Saturday night, I am attempting to piece together the last 12 months of my life and figure out a seeminly unsolvable question: what happened?

So much has happened with my professional life. I have grown immensely. I am even about to begin the application process for a promotion. I have learned that I want to work for my company as a long-term employee. I am truly blessed to work in the organization that I do.

My personal life has been really interesting over the past year. I was involved in a really bizarre, really left-field relationship for a brief period last fall, which quickly defined itself and just as quickly terminated. I took an incredible lesson away from that situation, and I find it strange that you tend to learn meaningful things from events that you generally dont expect to cause such lessons. I learned that I me, and I refuse to allow someone else dictate certain aspects of my life. They will have to embrace me for me: my past, present and future.
In all honesty, he was a fantastic guy, just fantastically not for me.

I took a trip to visit a friend in NYC, and I immediately fell in love with the city. About an hour into my visit, I knew that I would someday be a New Yorker. Manhattan is an incredible place that felt nothing short of surreal to me. I can hardly wait until my time comes to make that transition.

My home has since been broken into twice. Ive lost multiple pieces of electronic equipment; all of which I can comfortably live without. Some of the things I needed to lose anyway. Funny how things work out.

I've since bought a new car. Wow, so much has really changed over the last year. So much that I never even realized occured so fast.

A close friend of mine took a promotion in another city, and he is no longer my roommate. That was a big change (he is doing fantastic in the new market). Another friend moved in and is renting his room.

I have developed incredibly, and I have learned things about myself that I never even realized. New hobbies. New taste buds. I've discovered what works for me and what doesnt. I've learned things that make me proud to be myself, and embrace my individuality.

I've learned that some friends will always be there for you, and that some people are looking for an opportunity to kick you down---such is life.

My days as a 25-year-old are coming to an end, and a new chapter entitled "big 26" is about to begin. Before I know it "big 30" will be here, and I can only pray that I am in NYC before 27 comes along.

Keep your head up and keep going. Love deeply. Forgive. Leave nothing behind but judgement. Learn, live, love. Embrace your past, love your present, and dream of your future.

The Luckiest

I find that I always do my deepest reflecting when I should be diverting my energy to some other immediate task. I am running a little late this morning, and an epiphany struck while clumsily jamming one leg in my dress slacks and juggling a cup of coffee AND typing (its an interesting sight).

While I should be worried about getting to work "on time" (which in reality is twenty minutes early as I am ALWAYS early), all I could think about was how lucky I have been throughout my entire life. Literally, my life has been a series of incredible luck. This little mental revolution sparked last night over drinks at Broadway Brewhouse, where I was telling my friends that I was one fat-ass little baby and weighed 10lbs at birth. My mom had to have an emergency caesarean section to give birth to me. I began to wonder if I was born 100 years earlier, would I have survived an emergency birth? Maybe things would have been just fine, but to my understanding, I wasn't an easy newborn to bear (you try forcing a 10lb screaming baby full of watermelon out of your body and see how that goes). Something to be thankful for right off the bat. That spark resurfaced this morning in the midst of my failed attempt to multitask.

So I sit here, shirt unbuttoned and stubly face, thinking that I am the luckiest person on earth, and I am so thankful for everything I have. I can't help but think fate might have a hand in all my endeavors. I got the job I wanted. I have a college degree without any debt. I am healthy. I am pretty awesome :). I have great friends. Everything I could ever want. I realize these things, and I am eternally grateful.

My life feels like an interactive photo album. One with pages and pages of memories of incredible people, and the exciting part is I just got started. Thanks for being a part of that.

"jimmy goes hungry fund"

I have been trying to commit myself to eating out only a couple of times a week in an effort to save money. Owning a home is far more expensive than I previously projected and "old faithful" piece of shit car has a new issue every other month. So, I am attempting to be a responsible adult and,thus far, it hasn't been working out so well. I actually sat down and attempted to figure out exactly how much I am spending on a WEEKLY basis on eating out on lunchbreak alone, and came to a depressing estimate of nearly 20 dollars a day on LUNCH, which is completely ridiculous.

I am happy to report that I am making baby steps into this adulthood thing and am eating tv dinners for breakfast, lunch and dinner. So yes, that means my car isn't going to be making that horrifying, loud shifting noise much longer, and yes that new roof I just replaced was expensive as hell (feel free to make donations to the "jimmy goes hungry fund"---beer and home-cooked meals gladly accepted).

dear ann coulter

dear ann coulter,

i think you are a piece of shit.

love,

jimmy

a day without rain

i was outside today, and i realized something that has managed to evade me for some time now. i stopped walking for a moment and looked up at the sky and was reminded of how beautiful our earth is and how lucky i am to be alive.

a little over a year ago, a friend that i had back in college passed away suddenly. sadly, that is how life works. one day you are alive and happy, and the next you are gone.

just admiring something simple like the beauty of a tree, or the happiness a dog or loved one brings you, should be a reminder that you are still alive. life is about appreciation, and the more you do it, the more you feel alive.

take advantage of the little things in life. take advantage of the big things too. you never know when something or someone will be gone. tell someone you love them and that you appreciate them, and remind people of how you feel. it is worth it. i promise.

The Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil

Throughout every day life, everyone is guilty, at some point, of being let down over something insignificant going wrong. It is the smallest things that can put us in a bad mood or even ruin the day. The small bumps in the road are enough to make you steam or get flustered, but they are the very things that make a good day what is it, when it happens.

In story of Adam and Eve, the tree of knowledge of good and evil was the entity that showed the very nature of evil (indirectly) and cost the two the eutopic life in the garden. However, without realizing evil, the two never truly appreciated the good. The concept may seem simplistic, but the moral of the story is incredibly relevant and can be applied to just about anything in life.

My point is the small things in life that make you feel like your day is ruined are the very things that make your life beautiful. Why? They make you realize everything you have, and then you appreciate things when they do go your way. Without all the little wrong things, you would be so used to everything going right, that it would be just as bad as things always going wrong. It would just be routine. Boring, unappreciative routine.

So next time your day is going wrong, be thankful. That day is going to make the next just that more enjoyable. After all, you never know when your last day will be.

Dejavu

We, as humans, have an inherent desire to give advice, and most of the time that advice is an ideal solution. It seems so easy. We hear others' problems and the outcome is simple, and the solution is seemingly common sense.

So why do we never take our own advice? Life seems to be a giant, cyclical process where past mistakes are relived. Sure some people are more adaptable and others are just stubburn, but overall the concept is relevant to just about everyone.

Girls that like "bad" guys seem to always like "bad" guys, no matter what friends say. Party animals never really seem to become responsible, and people who are always late never will considerately arrive on time. We, as humans, are inherently flawed, and incapable of totally avoiding past mistakes, else at some point we would be perfect.

I wear my heart on my sleeve, and I always will---no matter what anyone says. That might sound dumb, but that is what makes me me, a flawed human.

here's to the nights we felt alive

Having just gotten in the real-world swing of the full-time work life, I have gone through a major transition in my life. No more college. No more classes. It is all work now, and the working world makes college look like a complete breeze. Though I will say I still look forward to making more great memories with my incredible friends and family, who God has truly blessed me with.

Looking back, college did provide me with incredible memories--some of which I will never forget. Those years really are some of the best years. From UTC to UT, I look back on all the parties and football games that made my college experience so unforgettable. It is so interesting, as we are taught so much within a classroom realm, but seem to take away so much more from the life experiences we have during those four plus years. The friends. The good times. The love.

Clarifying, a college education does do a lot for someone in a lot of ways. It definitely is a supplemental relationship between the studious side of college and the social life that builds a collegian's experience.

Reminiscing, I can't help but feel a touch of nostalgia for those nights with the Knoxville and even Chattanooga crowd that made the night feel so alive. Those memories that make you smile when you remember, or recall a story or even relive for a small moment in time, are the very thing that make you who you are and your life what it is. I wouldn't trade mine for the world. So here friends, is to the nights that we felt alive and, yes, tomorrow will come too soon.

The influence of one small hamster

I have always been someone who loves animals, and I'd like to think someday I could divert that energy to my own children. In the meantime, I decided to adopt a small hamster that ended up becoming something that I loved very much.

Most people I talk to about Dimmy find the idea that someone could love such a small animal/pet so much just crazy, though I really valued him as though he were my child. I played with him daily, bought him the various hamster treats, and he always had new toys. I talked about him frequently, and prided myself on the fact that he would come out of his hamster bed to say hi if I talked to him.

One day, I came home from work and noticed that Dimmy wasn't acting like his normal gregarious self. It turns out that Dimmy had aquired a nasty eye infection that was both painful and blinding. I took him to the vet, who said that he would either suffer and die, or hopefully get better after surgery. Of course I went with the latter option, and he did do well for a few days. I had to hand feed him and give him water daily with a lot of antibiotics. I had high hopes for his recovery, but I woke up one morning to find that he had died in his sleep.

I buried him that same day in a nice area in my new back yard---crying throughout the entire process. Ok I know what you must be thinking---this is too much, but he was really important to me.

It makes me realize that he was a real source of joy for me, as most pets are to their owners. A little corner in my room, which once housed a happy, fat hamster now stands vacant. That joy people feel with their pets and loved ones is the very thing that makes life so exceptionally beautiful. Dimmy gave me that feeling, and I am glad that I had him in my life for the time that I did.

Dark Corners

Why is it that you always gravitate towards whats wrong for you, and shy away from a perfect fit? Is it just too easy, or does mankind have an obession with wanting what they can't have?

Most people know whats right for them, but some little voice deep-down inside tells them that there is always something bigger and better than what is right in front of their face. Maybe it's the media, projecting an unobtainable idea of beauty and romance as something that is the status quo; setting one's expectations far beyond reach.


I have always valued a quote that I, with the rest of the human population, tend to forget. It is simply "it's not having what you want, it is having what you've got." It is so easy to assume that you need something else out there, but taking a step back can show you that you really have more than you could ever possibly ask for.For instance, I have an incredible group of friends, job and house, though life's simple speed bumps tend to produce seemingly life-altering stress.


A goal that I hope to contiously reach throughout my life is realizing what I have before I lose it, an inherent flaw in man.
So maybe you should try to do the same. Go out of your way to tell someone that you love them, or not before making a stupid, selfish move that could hurt one close to you.

Job Searching/Interviewing

Having just graduated in December, I have recently began the job searching/interviewing process. It has been an incredibly interesting experience, for the better and worse.

I had heard from friends that Careerbuilder.com was a great way to both submit your resume to potential employers and post your resume online to allow recruiters to see your credentials (if you are new to this process, you should definitely read this). Careerbuilder is a great way to network with companies that are actively interviewing for vacant positions, and I have received several opportunities from this web site, though one should know that not all employers are as credible or professional as their sales/recruiting pitch may sound. I encourage you to do research on the company before even taking an interview.

For instance, I applied for a sales position within an international company on Careerbuilder and was contacted within 48 hours by a soft-spoken lady, who I assumed to be the company's recruiter. We scheduled an interview, much to my excitement, and I decided to check out the company's web site just to see what I was getting into. I was a little under-impressed, but still had high hopes for my first interview.

I showed up for the interview at a nice office building in Franklin. I entered the building and walked by several very nice offices with glass facades and nice displays. I noticed a door off to the side, which at first I thought was a janitorial closet, as the other offices had glass entry ways. I passed by the door and noticed the company's name on the door. "This must be it," I thought and walked into the office.

My first impression was "dirty after hours club" and I took the walk of shame to the "reception" desk. I instantly realized that the soft-spoken lady who had called me wasn't the company recruiter---she was the receptionist. I was pretty sure that companies have specific positions to select applicants out, and act as company recruiters, so I began to question whether this interview was going to be a complete waste of time.

I sat down in an office chair and began to fill out pre-interview paperwork while listening to what sounded to be Bret Michaels being played in the reception area. That was it.

I decided to take a permanent bath room break and peaced out.. Come to find out one of my best friends Greg, had a similar experience where a company, who was also seeking college graduates, had him going to gas stations trying to sell predator's tickets for his second interview.

Nashville

So far my move has gone pretty well. I haven't had internet access until recently, so I haven't blogged in quite some time, but not having internet, cable or radio has been quite an experience in my new apartment.

I moved from Knoxville on the 24th of March, and into my new apartment in Nashville on March 28th. It is great.. It really is. I live off White Bridge Road in the West End/Belle Meade area of Nashville, which is a short commute to downtown or Green Hills. My apartment is a one bedroom, one bath, but considerably more expense than the ritzy University Heights of Knoxville :).

This move has really been a transition within a life transition. I am still job searching in an incredibly difficult job market, and fiscally speaking--my money life is certainly different than my college days. Money is tight now that I am still working at Olive Garden, though when I get a real job, my financial situation will be much better.

I do miss my friends in Knoxville, and I hope you are all doing very well. I changed my phone number, and recently put the new one on my facebook page if you haven't gotten it---I want to hear from you! If I haven't talk to you in awhile, Nashville is great and keep your fingers crossed for me job search wise!

Dimmy

So my hamster's name is Dimmy, and he is apparently quite the con artist.

The pet store attendant was adamant about keeping his food bowl full as "hamsters always need a source of food, so keep their bowl full. You don't want them going hungry."

Dimmy is quite large, and large meaning morbidly obese, and I have discovered the cause of his weight issue. That little sh*t has been taking his food out of his food bowl and hiding it under his shavings!

Now my gluttonous hamster is like a breath away from death. Thanks Pets Mart lady!

Knoxville

I always find myself blogging at the early hours of the morning. I suppose it is the time of night that I have nothing to do but sit and think about things..

I moved to Knoxville at the end of my sophomore year in the early months of that summer. I can remember exactly how excited I was to escape the confinements that I had managed to lock myself into in Chattanooga. Here in Knoxville, I could be myself and live however I wanted without any kind of social backlash. I didn't have to be a closeted frat guy anymore. I could just be me.

I have made incredible friends with so many people here in Knoxville. So many of them aren't here anymore and have moved on to bigger and better things. Some moved to Nashville, others to Washington D.C., and one even finally made it to New York City (haha.. which is good, because he talked about it nonstop :) ). I consider all of you to be lifelong, and I feel so privileged to have you all in my life.

I have found love in the romantic sense here, an experience that has allowed me to grow in ways that I didn't know I could.

I have seen peoples lives change for the better and for the worse; some in devastating ways.

I know that Knoxville will soon be a part of my past, but this town will always be a major landmark in my life. I will look back with a sense of nostalgia and remember the incredible times that were had and the incredible people I met.

I suppose coming and going is part of the never-ending cycle of life. Sadly, It is time to close the chapter of my life entitled "Knoxville". Though, the characters who I met here will always be in my heart and in my life.

First and Amistad

I know you have heard that new song by the Fray, "You Found Me". It is interesting because listening to the lyrics of the song provoke ideas that I have always had yet never really wrote about. Specifically---"I found God---on the corner of First and Amistad......all alone, smoking his last cigarette."

Consider that perhaps God isn't bound by Heaven. What stops him from just being someone you carelessly pass along the sidewalk? Maybe a homeless man begging you for some money or some old woman smiling as you walk by?

It is an idea that I find incredibly touching. It may sound crazy, but then again so does the idea that God, in all of his unfathomable power, isn't allowed to leave Heaven..

So maybe God, himself, is the person you are holding the door for, or smiling at, or even sacrificing a single dollar to..

Ideas v. Facts

I consider myself to be an optimistic realist, and I feel like I give people the benefit of the doubt. I try to be sincere and not judgmental, but shit some people make that difficult.

I like to believe that people are inherently good--that all people are sensitive to others' needs and selfless. The unfortunate reality is that most individuals are both dumb and inconsiderate--waiting tables has introduced me to this concept.

For instance, I was serving this lady not too long ago, and things started out fairly well. I greeted her with a smile and told her my name, and was semi-interrupted by her harsh request "I'll take a diet coke, extra ice." No big deal. (It happens all the time, in fact I would venture to say that maybe 3 out of 10 tables will answer a "hi, how are you doing?" with the response "diet coke".)

Anyway, I bring her her drink and she orders a pizza, which takes a little longer than the average entree as it is made-to-order. She then complains to me about 6 minutes after ordering that her food is taking too long, which isn't too uncommon either.

Really lady? There are kids in Africa that would wait 2 weeks to eat the meal that you are about to obliviously consume, and you are complaining that it isn't out in 5 minutes?

The thing is is that I encounter so many people that are so used to getting everything that they don't appreciate anything, and it astounds me. So many people that come out to eat need SO much attention, and are SO hateful about it. I really think some people get off on telling someone else what to do.

Another good one---a fellow server waited a table on my last shift that told her right off the bat "we don't have enough money to tip you, so sorry." Really? If you budget is that tight, shouldn't you be buying your spaghetti and meat sauce from Kroger? It would cost $3 there instead of $10 here. I wanted to throw hot coffee on them.

I try to be appreciative for what I do have, as I live in one of the wealthiest countries on the planet, and already have more than I could ever dream of needing. Why do few share this concept? When you go out to eat, be respectful and appreciative. When I have kids, they will KNOW THIS!

Unhappiness

You tell me I am imperfect and not good enough
then that you love me

You tell me that I am not sensitive enough
then you overlook how I try to love you

You try to control me
when it is my life to live.

You tell me that I should change
when its you that should change.

Gluttony: the American dream?

I just heard on CNN that American banks gave out 18 million dollars in bonuses to employees while taking bailout money to stay above water. How the fuck are you giving that much money away when you don't even have that money to keep your business going?

That is the problem. The American dream is wanting more, more, more and needing more, more, more. We need more sports cars, bigger houses and more expensive things that are more glamorous than the expensive things we already have.

I see this ALL the time working in the service business. People don't even eat all of the salad and bread brought to their table, yet keep asking for more. It is as though everything on the table most be full at all times. Has gluttony become the American dream?

Life Transitions

""The real world is a big change, more then you can ever imagine when you are sitting in the classroom thinking about the outside world."
-Anonymous business school grad, quoted in a recent story covering life transitions


With the closing of my college career, several doors have opened in my life. Though with each choice, there are drastic pros and cons to certain situations. I have always read that the transition between college and the real world is tough and very stressful for some, but no amount of reading could have prepared me for this.

I don't know what I want to do with my life, and I feel that now I am searching for something that might interest me, rather than where my passion is.

Having to face these decisions and practically map my life out has certainly been a reality check. A good reality check, but a very stressful one.

According to Drs. Randall S. Hansen and Katherine Hansen, "...it seems to be a harsh reality to many college seniors and recent grads that obtaining a job offer is very time-consuming and a lot of work -- and it's even harder to obtain the ideal scenario of having multiple job offers."